The big day is December 23, 2008. Although I am very happy about my upcoming adventure, I would be lying if I said I wasn't a little scared. Maybe even saying "a little" is an understatement. But don't get me wrong, it isn't enough for me to change my mind. My excitement out weighs my fear.
Why are we so afraid all the time, what are we afraid of? My reason are probably similiar to many. The unkown. There are no guarantees, right? What if's...we go round and round in our head..."but what if,...." and ..."what if..." Creating all kinds of situations that may or may not happen. I have been a victim of the "what if...freeze frame" Freezing us from moving forward because of all of the drama we have created in our mind. The ego maliciously trying to convince me that if I tap my foot in a different river, I fall in and drown. Staying in the familiar river is somehow safer. Which is what I did...stayed safe. Famliarity was safer than the unknown. And there is nothing wrong with loving the famliarities that we have grown in our life.
But as the years went by; I missed newness, I missed treasures (experieces), I missed passion, and my heart longed for change but I was scared. So the internal battle went on--I changed a few things but that got boring pretty quick, and my heart yearned again, for something different. I had a very dear friend tell me that if you want to change your life, you have to change EVERYTHING. Not just one thing. Now this was a thought! Oh my, EVERYTHING...could I do it? After much soul searching I found that complacency was stunting my growth. And for an ambitious women, that was unacceptable. I had to dive into the black hole.
When I do get anxious I have found that being aware of my feelings and asking myself questions that allow me to think through areas of this change has allowed me to prepare myself and get rid of my fear of the unknown--and drives passion of the future.
1.What is the worst that can happen? Well, the worst that can happen is that I don't have enough money and can't live...and am homeless..well I have a great family--so homeless would never happen--and if I don't like it--I always can come back to old GR. Grand Rapids will always be here. Unless there is a catosphre and the probability of that happening---right...you get my point.
2. What if I miss my family and friends? I more than likely will miss them but I will have access to my family and friends through, the internet and hopefully I will make new friends. All of my friends have "moved" on with with their lives. I think it is time for me to live my life as I wish.
3. What would keep me here in Grand Rapids? Well, I have been laid off twice and haven't found stable employment for two years, so it isn't a job. Hmmm..what else? No love interest here....hmmm, what else? Like I said in number 2 my friends and family have their own lives. Hmmm... what else? School--well I am attending school in Norway, hmmm....what else? I don't have health insurance here (even though I am now working two jobs, still NO health care) . And it looks like after being in Oslo for three months--I get to be part of their social health care. (WOW, can't get that here).
Hmm...what else? I don't have any children---but do have two cats, and my dear friend has said she would care for them while I am gone--what a dear friend. Hmm...what else? I LOVE Michigan weather--Oslo has seasons!! Hmmm...what else? I love my little quaint town with all the regular feels...there are many new quaint places to see in Oslo--and it makes them more special because they are NEW. Coming back to visit GR will be a nice warming welcome home. Hmmm...what else?
There you have it! No reason to give up a great opportunity! Aaaah...freedom. I think true freedom is letting go of the chains that bind us from accomplishing the things we so desire!